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Here is the great hall

Flip-top address book

Put together again vase (the princesses flew airplanes)

Boiler-creature closet

Mirror for looking at your feet


Here is the drawing room

Dogs that play poker

Clock with flower tick-tockers

Little porcelain people who never move. They laugh at the metal swingers because they keep swinging

Cold sofas

Photographs of people who frequent the kitchen

Mirrors for looking at the times


Here is the grand staircase

Closed to the public

…sometimes the glass marbles tumble down


Here is the bathroom

Toilet rolls wearing dresses and bodies

Lady pig with cigarette smiling down from her toilet seat. Being judgey.

Decorative toilet humour about erections (the princesses did not understand, initially)

Avoid the mirror. Bad lighting


Here is the kitchen

Mind the beaded door curtain. The clacking sound will call forth the guards.

Cupboard of things never looked upon again (Campbells Soup playing cards)

Thermometer pig with a chef hat. Never cold in here

Oubliette where treats go in, but never come out

Fine cereal bowls featuring Tony the Tiger and Snap, Crackle, and Pop

Grand table, now Queen’s office, bouquet garden, candle house

Throne masquerading as ordinary dining chair

Fruit bowl. The Queen has an excellent arm.

No mirrors for looking. Only cloudy eyes.