Here is the great hall
Flip-top address book
Put together again vase (the princesses flew airplanes)
Mirror for looking at your feet
Here is the drawing room
Dogs that play poker
Clock with flower tick-tockers
Little porcelain people who never move. They laugh at the metal swingers because they keep swinging
Photographs of people who frequent the kitchen
Mirrors for looking at the times
Here is the grand staircase
Closed to the public
…sometimes the glass marbles tumble down
Here is the bathroom
Toilet rolls wearing dresses and bodies
Lady pig with cigarette smiling down from her toilet seat. Being judgey.
Decorative toilet humour about erections (the princesses did not understand, initially)
Avoid the mirror. Bad lighting
Here is the kitchen
Mind the beaded door curtain. The clacking sound will call forth the guards.
Cupboard of things never looked upon again (Campbells Soup playing cards)
Thermometer pig with a chef hat. Never cold in here
Oubliette where treats go in, but never come out
Fine cereal bowls featuring Tony the Tiger and Snap, Crackle, and Pop
Grand table, now Queen’s office, bouquet garden, candle house
Throne masquerading as ordinary dining chair
Fruit bowl. The Queen has an excellent arm.
No mirrors for looking. Only cloudy eyes.